Scarred for Life

Being sexually abused at a young age scars a psyche for life. Ask me. I know. I was victimized at a young age by friends I trusted.

For me, It drastically altered my ability to handle social situations as I always felt ashamed. I always felt less than everybody around me. I felt damaged.

Despite excelling in school and extra-curricular activities, I always felt this hidden sense of shame, guilt.

At the same time, my sexual identity was destroyed. I think that’s why I found flirting online to be a release. It was a way to prove to myself that I wasn’t some victim, but could be that stereotypical, smooth talking, cute guy.

But of course, that only landed me in big trouble. I was never confused on which side of the sexual fence I was. But as I grew into a man, I never felt like one. I don’t think I am a story of the abused becoming the abuser. I’ve never abused anyone. If I am a story, then I am one that exposes the psychological damage that sexual abuse at a young age can do. The mind warping it can do. The self-esteem destruction it can do. I don’t think I will ever fully recover from its effects.

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